dimplegirl78

so i fly off the handle..

dealing with FM is not easy.

especially those days where the pain is so great you really wish you didnt get up.

today is one of those days, i slept a total of 4 hours. and my back feels as if a metal bat went to it for batting practice.

what ppl dont understand is, when a person with fm, hasnt slept much, is in pain and feels guilty about vocalize their pain…they will fly off the handle in seconds.

i am really tired of trying to deal with this and pretending im ok and not being able to vocalize when i feel like a giant ouch.

i feel like a giant OUCH.

it seems this is the only forum i can sit and say it, and yes this is linked to my facebook, i dont care.

i figured if you all know on a constant basis how i feel, then maybe..MAYBE you can understand when i dont feel good or feel like being nice.

its hard to be nice when you are in pain. sorry it is.

so now i sit here. i have to get ready to go to an outing i commited to, and the only thing i can think about is my back.

to say i feel alone at this moment is very true.

i realized today that it is very hard for others to understand what i go through.

even something as simple as stairs hurts on a bad day. but g-d forbid i actually say that.

seeing a new dr, getting new pills..that works for a while..then what. the pain will always be there as a remindeder of what you used to be able to do and now cant.

the pain will always remind you that people should not expect to have a support system. the whole concept of a support system is kinda bullshit.

it only happens in lifetime for women movies or after school specials.

let me stop before i get a cease and desist speech.

ps. i also dont care if i misspelled anything. this is not a spelling bee contest

4 months ago

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: fibromyalgia
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:2009
3. But I had symptoms since: i was 11 years old
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: walking without feeling pain
5. Most people assume: that i am lazy, or that my pain isnt that bad. but it is pretty bad at times, and im not lazy, im just very tired
6. The hardest part about mornings are: getting up and taking those few steps to the bathroom, realizing that my feet are numb and every step feels like needles and pins, yet i try not to complain about it, i just keep it to myself
7. My favorite medical TV show is: my life is a sitcom.
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: i have a few: one is my kindle, IT HELPS SO MUCH just reading without having to turn a page, my wrists are very happy because of it. my ipod is another gadget, without music i would me lost. and my phone, its got a great camera on it. and hopefully soon a TENS machine to zap some of my pain away
9. The hardest part about nights are:sleeping, i cant sleep. and if i take my seroqul it makes me a zombie the next day, so i suffer tossing and turning and then having to get up
10. Each day I take 6 pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)
11. Regarding alternative treatments I:am all for it, right now conventional meds only help a small percentage
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: visable, because right now, its so hard to live like this. because i look ok on the outside , ppl assume im ok. BUT IM NOT, even sitting here typing this, im in pain, my hips hurt, my skin on my body feels like its on fire, if i werent at work i would take my clothes off because even wearing clothes hurt. i want to cry so bad, but i cant. because some ppl look at my illness as a weakness, and if i cry i will be weak. so i hold it in. but im not sure how much longer i can hold it in and ” manage my pain” PAIN IS NOT MANAGEABLE! and everyone that has FMS is differnt some ppl have it worse than others.
13. Regarding working and career:i work because i have to…if i dont work then i have no insurance and if i have no insurance i will have no weekly chiropractor sessions, or discounted med, etc.. but even being in the office 8-9 hours a day, kills me. i would love to work from home one day. as far as my career, well, ideally workign form home one day a week or two would be IDEAL. the commute, sittign down for hours, stress, annoyance etc…its hard on me
14. People would be surprised to know: that i feel awful for not keeping touch with certain friends of mine, but in truth, i forget. and by the time i remember, its too late and they are mad at me. and for this i have lost many dear friends. my fibro fog has sort of ruined my friendships.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:my weight gain and my sudden pain at random times. i dont like this at all
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: i havent reached that point yet in my illness, even walking hurts
17. The commercials about my illness: SUCK ASS.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:walking long distance, coming home and having energy to do things
19. It was really hard to have to give up:my social life. im too tired after work to socialize, all i want is to go home and rest. yet ppl can’t understand that. they think im being a flake or im dissing them, but im not, i need to relax. i cant be out all the time and get home late. i have issues with sleeping as it is. having fms has really turned my life sideways
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:soaking in a tub full of epsom salt while drinking wine, and bi-monthly massage therapy
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:walk all over nyc. go to as many fabric stores as i could, sew and enjoy the movement of the day
22. My illness has taught me: that as much as someone says they love you, if they dont understand the illness, they can never fully understand you therefore they cant really love you 100%
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:

“I DONT THINK YOU HAVE FIBROMYALGIA, I THINK ITS SOMETHING ELSE” “WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS RESTING GET UP AND DO SOMETHING” “YOU DONT HAVE FIBROMYALGIA YOUR JUST LAZY”

24. But I love it when people: let me know someone in their family also has fms, and they know how hard it is
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:i dont have one…isnt that awful
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: im here for you
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:hot flashes, hate them
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: take me to their local swimming pool so i could swim some pain away :)
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:i have fibromyalgia, and im sick and tired of people not fully understanding the illness and assume it can be fixed .
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: a bit better, i have so many things to say about fms to all my friends, but i fear that if i do , i might lose more friends. or who knows

5 months ago 2 notes

so i fly off the handle..

Neurological Signs Common in Fibromyalgia, Pain Relief

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

dimplegirl78

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